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Dec. 9th, 2001 07:34 pmI just went to the grocery store to buy a few things, got all the way through checkout and discovered my wallet was not in my purse. I had to have them hold my purchases and drive home to get my wallet.
Dec. 9th, 2001
(no subject)
Dec. 9th, 2001 10:22 pmRay just called for our weekly "talk". Among other topics, he just had to say this to me: "We're both probably going to start dating soon. We need to be discreet around Rosa." If he had left it at that, it wouldn't have been too horrible. But then he went on to explain in detail what he meant. "I'm not going to bring people around her for a long time because I don't want her getting used to them and then them suddenly disappear. I don't want you to sleep with people when she's around. You're her role model..." Yadayadayada. I just kept telling him we don't have these weekly conversations so he can lecture me, and that he should stop. He kept saying he's just raising concerns and he'll continue to do so.
But what he's really doing is impugning my sense of morals and my ability to parent my daughter. He thinks that because my morals are different from his--and he has never been able to understand what they are, either--that I have none. He imagines some complicated set of scenarios and then accuses me of the behaviors, without any knowledge whatsoever of the reality.
I almost wish he'd just call me a slut and be done with it, but no, he has to hide it in "concerns about Rosa". He has some idea I've got dozens of people traipsing in and out of my bed. As if. There's Jen, and we don't even sleep together. In the last year there have been all but two others.
He has never known about my relationship with Jen. Maybe someday he'll figure it out, but the fact that we started dating before he and I broke up necessitates some obfuscation. However, Jen and Phaelen both love Rosa very much. It's been since before Rosa was born...she's always known "Auntie Jen". In fact Rosa persists in identifying Jen's picture as "Mommy"--and Phaelen does the same for me, sometimes. I hope someday soon we can all four live together. That's my dream.
But what he's really doing is impugning my sense of morals and my ability to parent my daughter. He thinks that because my morals are different from his--and he has never been able to understand what they are, either--that I have none. He imagines some complicated set of scenarios and then accuses me of the behaviors, without any knowledge whatsoever of the reality.
I almost wish he'd just call me a slut and be done with it, but no, he has to hide it in "concerns about Rosa". He has some idea I've got dozens of people traipsing in and out of my bed. As if. There's Jen, and we don't even sleep together. In the last year there have been all but two others.
He has never known about my relationship with Jen. Maybe someday he'll figure it out, but the fact that we started dating before he and I broke up necessitates some obfuscation. However, Jen and Phaelen both love Rosa very much. It's been since before Rosa was born...she's always known "Auntie Jen". In fact Rosa persists in identifying Jen's picture as "Mommy"--and Phaelen does the same for me, sometimes. I hope someday soon we can all four live together. That's my dream.
