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Aug. 9th, 2013 02:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
semperfionaMy posting has gone erratic again, but I aten't dead. Although today I rather feel like I am. I seem to have acquired a cold in the last few days. Woke up Wednesday with that burning scratchy feeling in my throat, yesterday was stuffy head sinus headache, and today is hangoverish draggy deadiness. Sneezing minimal, so far, but it's there.
Yesterday was also the annual school orientation/ice cream social, and I met up with Ray and Rosa there. Mostly went okay, except for me blowing up at him in a room full of people when he told a mutual acquaintance '[Fiona] has lost a lot of weight hasn't she'. I told him "Shut up." He said, 'it was a compliment.' I said, "I don't want comments on my appearance from you."
And afterward, I've realized what it was that really got my goat about it. Not just the nonconsensual drawing of attention to me, or the squicky inappropriateness of comments on my appearance coming from my ex. It's that he said it like it was somehow HIS accomplishment. Not a compliment, that would have been said *to* me not *about* me. This sounded like he thinks he gets to share in anything "good" that I achieve.
And that totally ignores the question of whether my losing weight in early 2012 due to a broken heart was a good thing in the first place. I just didn't even want to go there, even with the ambiguous phrasing I've been using of 'relationship stress'. At least the last year of working out is something I wanted and chose for myself.
Yesterday was also the annual school orientation/ice cream social, and I met up with Ray and Rosa there. Mostly went okay, except for me blowing up at him in a room full of people when he told a mutual acquaintance '[Fiona] has lost a lot of weight hasn't she'. I told him "Shut up." He said, 'it was a compliment.' I said, "I don't want comments on my appearance from you."
And afterward, I've realized what it was that really got my goat about it. Not just the nonconsensual drawing of attention to me, or the squicky inappropriateness of comments on my appearance coming from my ex. It's that he said it like it was somehow HIS accomplishment. Not a compliment, that would have been said *to* me not *about* me. This sounded like he thinks he gets to share in anything "good" that I achieve.
And that totally ignores the question of whether my losing weight in early 2012 due to a broken heart was a good thing in the first place. I just didn't even want to go there, even with the ambiguous phrasing I've been using of 'relationship stress'. At least the last year of working out is something I wanted and chose for myself.
